Resumen
I was reflecting on our marriage and really grateful and thankful that we have a very easy marriage. And I think we have a great marriage due to three intentional habits. And the third is living love.
Transcripción
The Foundation of the Teaching
I was reflecting on our marriage and really grateful and thankful that we have a very easy marriage. Our marriage has not been a challenge. It's just been easy.
And I think we have a great marriage due to three intentional habits. The first is God first. The second is one flesh.
And the third is living love. And we're going to look just at that first intentional habit this morning of God first in our marriage. And I will do two subsequent teachings on one flesh and living love after the New Year.
Let's start in Ephesians chapter five. This is probably the quintessential passage that we all think about when we go to the Word to learn about God's purpose for marriage. And in Ephesians chapter five, we'll start with a little bit of the context in verse 19.
So in verse 19, it says, addressing one another in Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. This word submitting is the Greek word kupotazo. And the word came from a military term that meant to arrange truth divisions in a military fashion under the command of a leader.
But in its non-military use, it was a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden. And so we see here in the context of the section on the marriage relationship that as God is addressing the church at large, that were to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. And then more specifically in verse 22, it says, wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body and is himself its savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, though also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands love your wife as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her.
That he might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. So that he might present the church to himself in splendor without thought or wrinkle or any such things that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own body.
He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.
This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. So we see in this passage that wives are to submit to their husbands. And this word submit is used of wives for their husbands in several other passages in the word.
Joshua Chapter 24: The Teaching in Context
And then the directive to husbands is to love their wives, and that word love is agapeo, the love of God. Not just human love, but as husbands are to love their wives with the love of God. When we think about this whole passage, we see that Christian marriage is a journey of a man and a woman building a relationship together that exemplifies Christ and his church.
It's a journey. You don't just arrive there the day that you're married. It's a lifelong process.
And God first is the key to beginning, maintaining, and rejuvenating a Christian marriage. It's never too late. If your marriage is not where you want it to be, get back to God first as a starting point.
How do we put God first in our marriages? There are three things that Jason and I have done together that come to mind as practical keys for putting God first in our marriage. And the first is we see him together. The second is we set our expectations in God.
And the third is that we view each other the way that God sees us. So let's look at Joshua chapter 24. And we'll think first about this first point of speaking God together.
And note, this is not speaking the world together. This is speaking God together. That's the point of marriage.
And then Joshua chapter 24 verse 15 is a familiar quote to you that some of you may have posted in your house somewhere. But it says in verse 15, choose this day whom you will serve. Whether the gods your father served in the region beyond the river or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell.
But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. It's a decision that we make. Serving the Lord doesn't just happen by accident.
It's an intentional thing that you choose to do as a couple and as a family. I think about our challenges that we had in our early years of marriage. We got married on the 21st.
We went off on a little honeymoon Charleston, South Carolina. We returned and a week later, three weeks into our marriage, Jason was laid off from his job at an architecture firm. And this is a big deal for our family because I was in graduate school at the time and I was not earning any money.
Hebrews Chapter 13: The Teaching in Context
And our plan had been to live off of Jason's salary and to get through medical school without any debt and just to live simply. And now we were faced with a challenge very early in our marriage. And that challenge lasted for six years.
Because we were praying for Jason to get a job in architecture and that didn't happen right away. And so God met our needs through other ways. Jason painted for a while to earn money while I was in medical school.
And then he ended up going back to school to get his degree while I was a resident. And eventually after six years, speaking God together for a solution. Six years later, God came through with a job for Jason in his field.
Our response to this early and sustained challenge set the tone for seeking God in our marriage. Let's look at First John chapter two. And what I learned from those six years of seeking God under circumstances that were not ideal.
Where we didn't have that Jason was not studying the majority of his day doing what he wanted to be doing. Is that speaking God as a couple and as a family is one surefire way to stay close and connected to one another. But beware, the world is a constant threat to the commitment to be God together.
And in First John chapter two, in verse 15, it says, do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life is not from the father, but it's from the world.
And the world is passing away along with its desires. But whoever does the will of God abide forever. The most important thing you pursue with your spouse is God.
It's not having a family. It's not amassing wealth or building the perfect home. It's not career.
It's not hobbies. It's not travel. The most important thing you pursue with your spouse is God.
In Hebrews chapter 13 verse five. Another familiar verse that says, keep your life free from love of money and be content with what you have. For he has said, I will never leave you nor forsake you.
1 John 4: The Teaching in Context
Intentment with what you have will help you weather the ups and downs of life as a couple. And we learned this very early on in our marriage. Those early years shaped the things that we pursue beyond God.
We all have things in this world that we enjoy that we also pursue as a couple, right? We're human. We're spiritual beings, but we're living a human experience, as we heard earlier today. And part of the joy and fun of marriage is living that human experience in this world and enjoying doing things together.
One of the things that Jason and I really enjoy is good design. That might come as no surprise since he was an architect, right? And we enjoy finding unique things. We enjoy good design, whether it's clothing or furniture or knickknacks around the house.
We really appreciate artistic, unique design. And that's one of our hobbies. But we have learned to enjoy that passion as time and resources allow.
So we spent the first six-plus years of our marriage living very simply. Our date nights were dinner at home and then going out to a restaurant at 9 p.m. when the tables were starting to clear and getting dessert for share. That's what we could afford.
And that was okay. We lived simply, and we learned a lot from that season of our lives. And now, when resources are plenty, we know that resources are not what we need to have a happy marriage or a happy family.
That's just not enough than necessity. We can live simply. And so we enjoy pursuing good design, find fun things when we see something unique.
But we put God first. And when there's time to enjoy our world, we hobby if we do that. And when there's not, that's okay.
We'll get back to it when there's time. Look at 1 John 4. The second principle that we have lived in putting God first in our marriage is setting our expectations in God, not each other. We all end for marriage with expectations, whether they are spoken or unspoken.
I learned after our first child was born that my husband had this expectation that I didn't really even realize. And I might have actually helped set the stage for that expectation. See, when we were really wet and young and sleeping in the mornings on Saturdays, we had gotten into this habit.
1 John Chapter 4: The Teaching in Context
Jason would get up in the morning and I would give him a bathrobe on a Saturday morning. And I did this for a while. Maybe too long because I started to set this expectation that Saturday morning was background time.
And then we had our first kid and I was tired. And I was not going to get up on a Saturday morning and rub his back. And he would roll over some Saturdays and say, is it Saturday morning, background time? And I'd be like, no.
We have a newborn. I'm tired. And so Saturday morning, background time, they don't exist at my house.
They have not existed since our first child. But to this day, on the occasional Saturday, he will act on Saturday morning. He will roll over and look up and say, is it Saturday morning, background time? And I just get up and laugh.
So we all have expectations in marriage. Maybe it's something silly like that. Maybe it's a deeper expectation that you have.
But what I have learned and what we have learned, what you all have learned, if you've experienced marriage for any length of time, is that you cannot rely on your spouse's performance of your expectations to fuel your love for them. Because we all fall short of other people's expectations. In 1 John chapter 4 and verse 9, it says, in this, the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only son into the world so that we might live through him.
In this is love. Not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
God's love motivates our love. The beauty of how God set it up is that you commit to a one-flesh relationship before you embark on it. And that commitment before God and his people fuels your relationship.
There is a reason why God did not make my responsibility to respect my husband conditional on his responsibility to love me or vice versa. Your spouse might be great at loving you, but we are all human. There are days when we're tired or stressed or cranky, and if we determine to love our spouse based on their behavior, we will fall short of our calling to exemplify Christ and his church in our marriages.
If we determine to love our spouse based on their behavior, we will fall short of our calling to exemplify Christ and his church in our marriages. Look at Psalm 62. We love our spouse because God first loved us.
Psalm 62: The Teaching in Context
Same reason that we love one another. And I'll admit, maybe it's a little bit easier to live this out with people that you don't know as well. You know, we talk a lot about loving one another the way that God loved us, but that's our motivation.
But, you know, those people in your life are in and out of your life. You see them for a meal. You see them on a Sunday morning.
You hang out with them from time to time. And then you can get away from them if they're idiosyncrasies or driving you crazy, right? You don't quite have that luxury of people in your home. So sometimes it can be a little harder to remember this lens with the people that you spend all of your time with, right? And your spouse in particular.
In Psalm 62 verse 5, it says, For God alone, O my soul waits in silence, For my hope where expectation is from him. Misplaced expectations will ultimately lead to disappointment. If you expect your spouse to meet all of your needs, you are placing an undue burden on them that they simply cannot fulfill.
God is our sufficiency, not our spouses. So I have learned in 13 years of marriage to expect less of myself and more from God. Look at Ephesians chapter 2. The third practical tip to putting God first in our marriages is to see our spouse the way that God sees them, not based on their actions.
One of the beauties of marriage is that you get to intimately know another person. And this includes intimately understanding their weaknesses and their idiosyncrasies. And over time, if you're not careful, those weaknesses and idiosyncrasies can become the picture you hold of your spouse.
But this is not how God wants us to see each other. In Ephesians chapter 2 verse 4, it says, in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages, he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace, you have been saved through faith.
And this is not your own doing. It is the gift of God, not a result of work so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good work, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.
Be the Christ in your spouse. Your spouse is God's workmanship, and they were created to do good work for God. Sometimes I think we read these passages, and they are so familiar that your brain just kind of doesn't know what it is.
So we're going to read it again, and I'm going to pause. And I want you to insert your spouse's name into the pauses to think about this passage in light of our marriage relationship. But God, being rich in mercy because of the great love with which he loved my spouse, even when my spouse was dead in his trespasses, made us alive together with Christ.
El cargo de cierre
By grace, my spouse has been saved, and raised us up with him and seated my spouse with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus so that in the coming ages, he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward my spouse in Christ Jesus. For by grace, my spouse has been saved through faith, and this is not his own doing. It is the gift of God, not a result of works so that no one may boast.
For my spouse is his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Personalize it a little bit and think about what this passage means for a marriage relationship for the way that you interact with your husband or wife. Respect the spirit of God in your spouse.
When your spouse is inspired to serve God in a particular way, resolve to fully support him or her in that. Resolve to be less of the world and more of God in your marriage. Set your expectations in God and allow his love to fuel your love for your spouse.
Appreciate God's workmanship in your spouse and support them in the good works God has prepared for them. God first is the key to beginning, maintaining, and rejuvenating a Christian marriage.
Puntos Clave
- I was reflecting on our marriage and really grateful and thankful that we have a very easy marriage.
- Because we were praying for Jason to get a job in architecture and that didn't happen right away.
- We have a newborn.
- Appreciate God's workmanship in your spouse and support them in the good works God has prepared for them.
Preguntas frecuentes
What is the central message of God First in Our Marriage?
I was reflecting on our marriage and really grateful and thankful that we have a very easy marriage. And I think we have a great marriage due to three intentional habits.
Which biblical passages are emphasized in God First in Our Marriage?
The teaching references Joshua chapter 24, Hebrews chapter 13, 1 John 4, 1 John chapter 4, Psalm 62, Ephesians chapter 2.
¿Cómo se puede aplicar esta enseñanza en la vida diaria?
When your spouse is inspired to serve God in a particular way, resolve to fully support him or her in that. Appreciate God's workmanship in your spouse and support them in the good works God has prepared for them.
Referencias bíblicas
- Joshua chapter 24
- Hebrews chapter 13
- 1 John 4
- 1 John chapter 4
- Salmo 62
- Ephesians chapter 2
Nota de verificación: Las referencias bíblicas se extrajeron de la transcripción y deben cotejarse con el audio y la traducción bíblica preferida antes de su publicación.
